Where to begin. This post? A little background at least.
On Saturday my dad passed away. I felt like a liar when I was telling people that. We had been expecting it for years but never thought it would be today. It can’t be today.
I had been to see him on Thursday. He was abnormally awake and chatty. We had a nice conversation and he asked if my hands were cold and if I could put them on his aching head. For once they were warm, but I did it anyways. He asked me to bust him out of the nursing home to see a movie and I told him I’d see what I could do. I said goodbye the same way I always did, knowing it could very well be the last time.
On Saturday morning my mom made it clear that I should come see him. The nurses seemed in agreement that the end was near, but having seen him come back from seemingly impossible situations I don’t think we quite let it sink in. Even now it won’t.
Let’s get one thing straight – my dad was my hero. He got married at 19, had two babies, manned up, worked hard, and provided for his family. He was an alcoholic until I was five years old, at which point he said God gave him a vision of what his life would be like if he kept drinking. He pulled himself off the barroom floor and never touched another drop.
My dad taught me everything a girl needs to know from her father – how to check the oil in my car, how to open a bank account, how to drive in reverse, and how to tell it like it is. He got in his share of trouble in his day. He wasn’t proud of it but he never shied away from it in teaching my sister and I how to navigate through life.
There aren’t words to say to convey what I’m feeling, but I know I’m not the only one to ever lose someone. We all have people we care about and need to appreciate today. Please understand if it’s quiet around here for a while as my family and I process and say goodbye.
Julie @ HostessAtHeart says
I am so sorry that you lost your dad. It is so hard learning to navigate with the thought of knowing they aren’t there. I still believe that you can feel when they are there in your heart, and don’t be afraid to talk to him when you need to. He will hear you.
Lindsay Moe says
Thank you Julie!
Kendra says
So sorry for your loss. Know that I’m saying an extra prayer for you and your family.
Lindsay Moe says
Thank you Kendra!
Chuck says
That is heartbreaking. I am so sorry. At times like this it feels difficult to even catch your breath. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Lindsay Moe says
Thank you Chuck!
Donna Elsen says
Lindsay – I love the way you “said it like it is”. Your dad was a great guy you can always be proud of. He was very proud of you girls and your families, too. It takes a man of true grit to face his demons and choose to stop them. I have such respect for him and the choices he made to love his wife and daughters and family more than himself in order to overcome his addiction. Many do not see their selfish ways – but your dad did and I think anyone that knew him could see the effort he made in being a better person to all – maybe even more so in his illness as he had so much time to reflect and pray and had so many walking the journey with him. I’m so glad I got to know him a little better. RIP, Doug. You left a beautiful legacy.
Lindsay Moe says
Thank you Donna!